When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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