So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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