when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
