i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
