Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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