do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
