I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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