He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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