If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm way too hungover for life right now
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
