I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
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I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
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I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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