he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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