I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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