do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
