It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
