I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Acid is not a monday night drug
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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