keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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