I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
