Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
