I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
