Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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