i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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