whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
