So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
