the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
