In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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