I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
