i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
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Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
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we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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