im drinking this country out of the recession.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
