Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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