Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
