Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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