11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Pants are for mortals
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize