...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize