Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
