I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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