If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize