Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
