i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
