mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
