Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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