there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
