If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
