I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
