we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
