matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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