its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Semen is not good for contacts.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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