Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
