I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My ass is underappreciated
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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