It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
