apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
His hands were made for my vagina.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
