We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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