I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
