are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the day after is always just damage control
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
