You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just want to make out with him forever
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
