Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
