just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
