Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
