I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
