haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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