Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
