Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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