Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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