Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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