dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
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Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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