so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
