John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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