party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
