Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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