Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
