that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
